In the future....
-
Coors will patent "workohol"-- The intoxicant allows workaholics to enjoy that high-achiever buzz without the inconvenience of doing something productive.
-
Phone Sex will cause "Phone Pregnancy"-- Nine months later, patrons automatically receive midnight calls from cholicky
babies.
-
Cars will run on LOVE-- Most people will get lousy
mileage.
-
Computers will come with a "Self Help" button-- Pushing it doesn't actually solve users' problems, it just makes them feel
okay about having them.
-
Soup & Salad Bars will evolve into Complete Dinner Bars--
Patrons will pay $20 a pop to go into the restaurants' kitchens
and cook for themselves.
-
Scientists will invent a tonic which can grow hair on a
billiard ball-- Unfortunately, it will be completely ineffectual
on humans.
-
The "waif look" will give way to the "wave look"-- So named
because the slightest movement of these corpulent models causes
their bodies to be overrun by flesh tsunamis.
-
Coho Cola will take the country by storm-- Millions will
guzzle the beverage before they realize the salmon-colored
soft-drink is actually made from salmon.
-
The Universe will shrink to the size of a pinhead-- Pinheads
will fill the Universe.
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 5/16/95 Future
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