In the future....
-
Facsimile machines will be able to transmit people-- Many will
be told to go FAX themselves.
-
Folger's will introduce "Recaf" Coffee-- Enriched with all the
caffeine removed from "Decaf," the new beverage replaces Jolt as
the rocket fuel of the Computer Revolution.
-
Muscular Dystrophy will be cured-- Jerry Lewis will start a
telethon for Washed-Up Performers Who Can't Get Booked Anywhere
Else.
-
Scientists will prove mathematically that God exists--
Religious leaders reject the theorem since it also proves His name
is Waldo and he lives in Jersey.
-
Wally Shawn will be declared People's "Sexiest Man Alive"--
Brad Pitt will take his own life.
-
Turner will introduce a new cable station, "Commercial
Television"-- The pay-per-view channel will play ads twenty-four
hours a day
-
For school-lunch purposes, the Government will classify
Crunchberries as a fruit-- Sweetbreads will be classified as
bread.
-
Philips will finally perfect the Holy Grail of multimedia,
full-screen, full-motion video-- It will be sold under the catchy
name of "VHS."
-
The cows will come home-- They say "Bill Bailey will be along
in a minute."
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 5/8/95 Future
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