In the future....
-
The Meek shall inherit the Earth-- They'll sign it over to the
Aggressive after a day's intimidation.
-
Joe Camel will be replaced by T'Backy, the Nicotine Bear--
R.J. Reynolds will continue to insist they're not marketing to
children.
-
A new dance craze--"The Hurl"-- will sweep the nation-- The
easy-to-learn step involves drinking vast amounts of alcohol, then
jumping up and down until one "does the Hurl".
-
Children will be allowed to vote for President-- Dan Quayle
will suffer an embarrassing loss to the White Ranger.
-
Love potions will be available over-the-counter-- They will
be nowhere near as popular as Gimme-A-Raise potions.
-
Ivy League Diplomas will be available from vending machines--
But it still takes four years to feed the 80,000 dollar bills into
that little slot.
-
Ant colonies will overthow their Queens and install
democracies-- They will become extinct shortly thereafter.
-
Barney will be taken off the air when censors realize that "I
love you, you love me. We're a happy family" is really about
pederasty-- This explains why his friend is named Baby Bop.
-
The overwhelming popularity of Hershey's Kisses and Hershey's
Hugs causes the company to introduce Hershey's Blowjobs-- Eating
too many of the cream-filled candies will cause one's jaw to
ache.
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 5/1/95 Future
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