In the future....
-
Justice will be served... with fries!-- Ketchup will be
available on appeal.
-
Digital FX will allow Abbott and Costello to star in a new
movie-- During the "Who's On First" routine, a frustrated Lou
will pull out a Tech 9 and blow Abbott away.
-
Monster Trucks will rule the streets-- Police will patrol in
RoboSauruses.
-
Plastic surgery will be supplanted by elastic surgery--
Sub-dermal bungee cords will keep the skin tight and
young-looking.
-
The House will pass a ten-year plan to eliminate the deficit
through faulty arithmetic-- An amendment ending public school
funding guarantees that future generations won't detect the
ploy.
-
The FDA will approve an oral contraceptive for men--
Anhauser-Busch will include it in their new "Bud Blank." Slogan:
"Do a few shots and shoot Blanks."
-
Mickey Mouse and Jean-Claude VanDamme will co-star in a
buddy-action flick-- In times of crisis, Mickey turns to VanDamme
and says "Kick his ass, Jean-Claude!"
-
The placement of free samples in newspapers will get out of
control-- Paper boys go on strike when Maytag ads include a free
Washer-Dryer.
-
Politicians will cease all attempts to censor the Internet
when several key Senators are charged with possession of UUENCODED
obscene materials in their e-mail in-boxes-- This is NOT a
suggestion that anyone send Senators these materials and then
inform the FBI. I repeat: This is NOT a suggestion that anyone
send Senators these materials (say from a foreign country) and
then inform the FBI. I want to be clear on this: It is NOT a
suggestion to send Senators these materials....
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 4/23/95 Future
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