In the future....
-
Life will be one long orgasm-- The
world will be a much stickier place.
-
The rules of Chess will be forgotten--
A Rumanian Grand Master will become World Champion by twirling
his opponent's king above his head and yelling "YAHTZEE!!!"
-
The proliferation of cable stand-up shows
will exhaust the planet's joke supply -- Depletion of the
previously-thought unlimited resource will sound the death knell
of Letterman, Leno, and TV Sitcoms. Saturday Night Live will be
unaffected.
-
Wars will be settled by wrestling-- In
WWF-sponsored WWIII, Hulk Hogan will end the Bosnian crisis with a
well-timed body-slam.
-
Market pressure will force 7UP to add
caffeine-- The company will shell out millions in
false-advertising fines for their "Never had it. Never will"
campaign.
-
Miniaturization will bring "smart bomb"
technology to bullets-- The intelligent projectiles will be
able to distinguish the innocent from the guilty, making the
criminal justice system obsolete.
-
Nanowave ovens will supplant the
microwave-- Food will cook before you put it in.
-
To offset dwindling revenues, Casinos will
alter Blackjack so players bust at three-- The revised game
will be especially popular with Keno players.
-
MTV will show music videos-- I
can dream, can't I?
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 4/17/95 Future
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