In the future....
-
No one will say "Gesundheit!"--
People will instead use the phrase "Mmmm! Sneezelicious!"
-
Remnants from celebrity plastic surgeries will be sold on the
black market-- Roseanne's chins will go for $30,000 each.
-
Daylight Savings time will be supplanted by Daylight Checking
Time-- The new system will allow people to set their clocks back
and ahead at will as long as they have two forms of I.D.
-
MCI will offer "cash back" on collect calls-- Their slogan
will be "Fleece your friends and family!"
-
Inexpensive enlargement surgery will allow men to have
three-foot long penises-- Unfortunately, women will be unable to
accomodate the monstrous members and the human race will die
off.
-
Evian will introduce "Water Lite"-- Their claim of "half the
calories" will be accomplished by simple refrigeration.
-
Compton's Interactive will patent the word "the"-- The ACLU's
court challenge will fail, their briefs being unitelligible
without the determiner.
-
Insecurity will cause God to admit he's an atheist--
"Sometimes," he'll say, "I just don't believe in myself."
-
Congress will go on strike-- No one will notice.
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 4/10/95 Future
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