In the future....
-
Food will be a utility like water and gas-- Plumbers will make
a fortune clearing clogs in the hot beef pipes.
-
Babies will come with instructions-- However, it will be
impossible to get through on the Technical Support line.
-
The VideoPhone will replace the telephone-- Two years later,
it will be replaced by the LaserDisc phone. Users won't be able to
make their own calls, but will instead watch classic conversations
in their original wide-screen format.
-
People will have four fingers, cartoon characters will have
three-- The trend will continue until the 'Toons are down to one,
and it looks like Bugs Bunny is constantly flipping you off.
-
'Movies on Demand' will be implemented literally-- People will
be able to order films like a pizza: "I'd like a large Action with
double comedy, hold the romance." Fox will deliver them in thirty
minutes or less.
-
The Cola War will become a nuclear confrontation-- Coke will
blow Pepsi off the map with a few well-placed missiles.
-
Laws will require that all driving be done while intoxicated--
Based on data that the drunk guy never dies in the crash, Police
will stop the sober at checkpoints and liquor them up.
-
Bruce Willis will get a head transplant-- Tired of his own
perpetually smirking mug, he opts for the chipper visage of
Richard Simmons.
-
Scientists will learn to communicate with dolphins-- They will
be severely disappointed that the cetacean's language is merely
thousands of synonyms for the words "dude," "awesome," and
"tubular."
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 4/3/95 Future
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