In the future....
-
Banks will offer Reality Checks-- Those who overdraw will go
insane.
-
A chemist at Searle will destroy society by inventing
Guilt-Blocker Pills-- Self-testing will turn his grave concerns
about the deleterious effects of such a substance into thoughts of
"Aw, what the fuck!"
-
Thanks to the Internet, no one will watch TV-- Set sales will
be nearly nil before a clever ad exec revitalizes the market by
renaming the device Electronic Babysitter.
-
Warning labels will have warning labels-- They'll read
"Warning: The word 'warning," and all other words contained herein
are merely symbolic intermediaries, not the concepts themselves.
Interpret at your own risk."
-
The Vatican will run its own Web site-- During Holy Days, many
worshipers will get the message "Connection refused by Pope."
-
Botanists will perfect the seedless pomegranate-- The same
technology will allow the creation of the seedless sunflower.
-
Eating Mexican fast-food will be the eighth deadly sin-- The
unrepentant will wind up in Taco Hell.
-
'Snail Mail' will be delivered by snails-- The mollusks prove
more swift than human carriers.
-
The dead will rise-- Thanks to Embalmer's Yeast.
And, as always...
- The present will be the past-- And, of
course, the future will be the present. There will be no
future.
Visit the 5/30/95 Future
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